Friday, July 29, 2005

I have chosen to try and put out to tape first. The first two times there were little glitches in the first five minutes, so now I am restarting the computer and opening Final Cut Pro without any other programs running, and we'll see if that helps. I cannot really live under these conditions on a regular basis.

9 hours later. A little less than 3 hours of a sleep. I have a few additions to make, and then to burn a DVD, or if that takes too long just put it straight out to tape. It's funny what I stress out over. A harddrive collapses and I hardly bat an eye, but I spend two hours trying to decide whether to include one 30 second scene. Ugh.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

It is almost 1 am. In 19 hours I will show a cut of D & S to the first audience of any size.

I had a bit of a setback today when one of the three firewire drives I have been keeping media on for D & S collapsed. It is an old drive, and I was wise enough (surprisingly) to back up my project with the media manage tool about a week ago. So, for the most part I was able to pull all the missing clips over from that timeline into my current timeline. I did however lose one scene which I had just added in the last few days, and a number of hours of rearranging existing scenes. Ahhhhh.... you can't beat the dog that bites the hand that feeds... technology (the dog)... me(the hand)...

Saturday, July 23, 2005

I will be in touch with everyone, but for those who don't know there is a small (closed) screening of A cut of Dollars and Signs this week. It is to prepare for submissions to festivals and give me the opportunity to watch it with an audience.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The great lesson of life has to be how to live in the moment, because only living in the moment can protect you from ALL mental pain and suffering associated with aging. I mean, by "living in the moment", being present with your actions. I used to get mad at Mary when she was always telling me to be present. I was like,damnit, sometimes I DON'T WANT to be present. So leave me alone. Now, here I am so many years later considering how it can really save me from the most unneccessary sort of suffering. That is the suffering which comes from hypothesing. So instead of letting my mind run wild to thoughts of the film or girls or family, I can simply focus on the measuring cup I am using to see how much water I need to put in the pot to boil the macaroni... and everything becomes more dealable withable. Right?

Another way to look at is, to live as insider. Sometime I get too far outside myself, so I have to do something to get back into myself. So that could be another lesson for me, how to stay inside myself. I think rituals may help me with this, cooking, jump rope, something of that sort.

You see where my head is at. This was the journal I had easiest access to, and I just wanted to document these thoughts as they occurred.

Truly, I won't speak about this stuff again, movies and stuff from here on out, promise...

An anthem should be a __________ which one can believe in without reservation. So what happens when something you believe in that much dies?

Thursday, July 07, 2005

We've got three days of shooting scheduled to fill in some structural holes and apply some touch ups to what we've already got. We have been struggling with the structure of the film, for many weeks (months?) now, and its look we are getting to a point where its not going to change too much more... somethings added, some subtracted, but the core remains the same.

That means word of a screening is pending, and just so I follow through on my word, I want everyone to know Denny has been given his month warning and that it was a few days ago.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Oh yeah baby... we're getting close.

Plus, I want to remember some things I said to Nicki in Danver's this morning. Maybe you'll find it interesting, maybe you won't.

I am reinterpreting in my head now, which I really didn't want to do, but its been a few hours. There are different reasons to make films of course. One myth I think a lot of filmmakers are under is that you can change someone's life for the better with a movie. Take for instance the idea of "the mainstream movie going audience", the people who go to all the shit we don't want to see, to all the movies we think are vapid, ignorant wastes of time, think of the millions of people who go to see those movies around the country. Now, think about making a movie. Think about how narrow minded some of these audiences are. Think about how they just want to be entertained. Now think about making a movie. Think about who you are going to show that movie to when you are finished with it... I am thinking about that. I don't think Dollars & Signs is going to change anyone's life who doesn't want their life changed. Dollars & Signs is not going to make someone who doesn't want to think about race, think about race. It may only begin the process of opening the door for this person to think about race. A movie is so much the beginning of a conversation and so not the end of one. That is why I appreciate movies that are not just about entertaining audiences, and not just about convincing audiences of something. All these ideas are partial. Not fully developed. But maybe there are three different types of ficitional films, propaganda, entertainment, and hypothetical. I mean every categorization is just a way of understanding something. It is not, and should not, be a prison for people's brain to live in. I am just trying to differentiate my film from other films by saying I am not trying to dramatically change peoples live with my film (though a part of me wants that to happen with everything I do) I am only trying to open the door for them to change their lives themselves. I want to encourage anyone who sees my film to remember that they can change if their lives if they wish, and that in order for their lives to change they HAVE TO WISH IT first. There. I said it.

So nanh.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Andrew and I just watched an 77 minute version of the film. We both agree the structure is so much more solid. Last week he suggested it could be less than 90 minutes, and when he said it I realized he was right. I started thinking 83 minutes. But today, I had a huge emotional reaction to his suggestion of making it less than an hour long. I can't see working for this long on this project and making it less than an hour. Why? I don't know exactly. Maybe it is ego. Maybe it is insecurity. Either way I know I hate the idea. Then, the fact that I hate it messes me up. Why should I hate that idea? If it is a better film at 55 minutes than it is as 83 minutes then why shouldn't I just accept that? But then, maybe it's a better film at 30 minutes or 15 minutes. Or whatever. I don't know. I just want to make sure it is an 83 minute film because it needs to be an 83 minute film to "tell the story" that I want to tell. If I can tell that story in 55 minutes I should do it. No matter the psychological or emotional impact it would have on me???? I think it just gets to the whole question of why I am making this movie. Why am I making this movie? Who am I making it for? Me? You? We? If the last one is true, that means I want "we" to be happy with it and get something out of it.

Shit. I am missing something here, does anyone know what it is? I know I shouldn't stress out about it too much. I know it will be the length it needs to be, but it is interesting that I had such a reaction to the idea.